Hello Open-Minded One,

The term "narcissist" is frequently tossed around, especially in conversations about estrangement. Adult children label their parents as narcissists, parents apply the term to entire younger generations, and the social media therapists appear to be leading this narrative. I’d like to offer a fresh perspective on this label and its character traits. Perhaps, with a deeper understanding, we can open our minds and embrace a change on perspective.

To begin this shift in understanding, it’s helpful to explore the distinction between the authentic Self and the ego self—two aspects of identity that shape how we perceive ourselves and others. In spiritual texts, a capitalized 'S' refers to the higher or authentic Self, while a lowercase' s' denotes the ego or narcissistic self.

The Authentic Self:

• The Authentic Self is the true, core, and genuine aspect of your identity. It represents who you are at your deepest soul level, beyond societal expectations, conditioning, and external influences. 

• It is often associated with being in touch with your true values, beliefs, and desires. It is a state of Self-awareness that allows you to live in alignment with your inner truth.

• Achieving authenticity involves self-discovery and self-acceptance. It means being honest with yourself about your strengths, weaknesses, desires, and beliefs.

• Operating from this level of consciousness enables you to see and honor others with a profound simplicity, encapsulated in a single word: Namaste, which means, "The divine in me honors the divine in you."

The Ego and the Narcissist: The Disconnect Between True Self and Persona

• The ego self, by contrast, is closely tied to the self-image we project to the world. It is shaped by external factors such as societal norms, cultural expectations, and the desire for approval and validation, including remediations like validation therapy.

• The ego can lead to a false sense of identity and may cause you to act in ways that are inauthentic in order to protect your self-image or to gain social approval.

• The ego can create a disconnect between your true Self and your external persona, often leading to inner conflicts and unhappiness.

• Operating from this lower level of consciousness leads to perceiving others through a lens of harsh judgment, often reducing them to a single label: "The Narcissist", implying a self-centered or egotistical nature. Yet, if you recognize it in another, it reflects something present within you as well.

The Authentic Self vs the ego self

The concept of the authentic Self versus the ego self can be understood as two different aspects of an individual's identity, and this contrast is not just essential for self-awareness and Self-reclamation, but also empowers you to heal and take control of your life.

Life mirrors what’s within us, not to punish or reward, but to help us grow, heal, and align with our true Selves. By observing what life reflects back—whether joy, frustration, love, or pain—we gain insights into our inner world and the opportunity to make changes that can shift our external reality.

Essentially, the authentic Self is about being in touch with your true values and living consistently with your inner truth. At the same time, the ego self is more concerned with external appearances, validation, and conforming to societal norms.

When My Ego Abducted Me and I Was A Narcissist

When my daughter chose to pull away and stop talking to me, I found myself devastated, hurt, and mad as hell. Her silence felt unbearable, but it gave me an unexpected gift: three years to rediscover myself and confront the deeper truth behind my pain. I had to ask myself a hard question: Who am I becoming because of her choice? The answer was sobering—I didn’t like the person I was becoming, and I even entertained dark thoughts I never imagined I’d have.

I knew I had to dig deeper, to redefine what unconditional love truly means in the face of estrangement. As I worked to heal and shift my perspective, the bigger picture became clearer. I realized my daughter needed the freedom to grow, learn, and navigate her own path—a crucial part of her individuation and personality integration process.

Through this inner journey, I discovered a deeper love for my own life, which transformed the way we connected. Our reconnection felt effortless and was built on mutual respect and understanding. Today, I know how vital it is to honor her journey, just as I continue to honor my own.

Personality Integration

Achieving a balance between these two aspects of yourself by integrating everything that happens to you is the key to your healing, personal growth, and self-acceptance.

It's important to note that some spiritual and psychological traditions advocate transcending or minimizing the ego in favor of the authentic Self. These traditions see the ego as a source of suffering and illusion, and this is 100% true.

However, everything you’ve ever experienced—the bright spots, dark moments, and messy parts—has shaped who you are and holds value in your journey. Nothing was a mistake; each moment offers an opportunity to heal and grow.

Our healing process helps you reclaim and integrate every aspect of yourself, seeing yourself as a whole, unique individual. You are an essential thread in the tapestry of life, playing a vital role in the shared human journey.

Embarking on this journey of self-discovery, self-honesty, and self-acceptance, you will discover the ego as a necessary aspect of your human identity that can be integrated with your authentic Self. This understanding aligns with “The Law of Emergence,” which is incorporated throughout our healing process.

The relationship between the authentic Self and the ego self is indeed a complex and nuanced topic, and will vary depending on your individual beliefs and perspectives and, by the way, will change, morph and evolve as you go through life.

“When all is said and done, the only change that will make a difference is the transformation of the human heart .” - Peter Senge